Some days are harder than others. Every day I get flash backs of the day I let my daughter go. I see her little face looking out of the car window as they drive away. A face of fear and confusion. That image will never leave me, just as clear now as the day it happened.
Sometimes I cry my self to sleep at night. I can feel the upset and heartache my little girl must have felt that day. I imagen how she cried for the 3-hour drive back to her fathers house. A stranger at the time.
The only thing that keep me going each day is knowing that one day she might come back to me.
I try to keep my mind busy and not let my-self go to the dark place. I try to eat well, sleep well and exercise and those things to help a little but the thing that helped most is acceptance.
I had to accept what that happened. Accept that I did all I could and accept that I had an illness that wasn’t my fault.
Of course, the guilt still eats away at me every day but since accepting what happened I find it a little easer to focus on the future rather than dwell on the past.
For anyone with feelings of guilt and the pain it brings I urge you to talk to someone about it. Don’t let it eat away at you. The feeling will never completely go away but you can learn to accept what was and find a way to get yourself through each day. Allow yourself to be happy and things will start to fall into place.